Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just google imaged poop.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
