I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
