yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
