I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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