I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pants are for mortals
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize