he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
