Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
