so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
