Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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