I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
