She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
