his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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