I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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