Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
