I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
