my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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