I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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