i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
