She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
