OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
