someone owes me an orgasm
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
