Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You made out with two different species that night
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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