And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
