Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
