Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
