He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
