I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it was like eating out sand paper
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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