Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
