sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
not ubering you a puppy
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
