Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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