Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
