I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
