Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
