haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
