its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
