She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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