So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
