somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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