I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
