i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
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ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
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You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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