Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
