how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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