Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
