I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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