Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
