Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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