a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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