So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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