Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
