I got chris browned last night
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
