I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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