Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
