I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
