if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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