I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
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I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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