Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
