okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
