Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
