When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
