Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
