My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize