This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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