my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
