I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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